12,001. No, not really, he sighed. ", —Merrill Markoe, Late Night With David Letterman, The Book (Villard) What's in a Name? ", "After supper it's back to the golf course again, then it's more sex until late at night, where I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again.". When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, “This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!” Mark Jones, Glendale, Arizona, "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, breakfast and then it's off to the golf course then I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, then have sex a couple of more times. ': 'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. Sunday morning found me having breakfast alone, just like I did when I first arrived to Cave Creek 5 days ago. She pulls a gun out of her purse and says "I am taking your truck, that ... read more, Check out our collection of some of the funniest jokes ever! "Tell him to drop dead!" Click here for more information. "The opposite of woe?" A turkey named Green Gobbleen. "But here's what to do. It's just that I left my lunch at home this morning, and it's getting close to noon.We happily gave him two bologna sandwiches, and went on our way. A tortoise named Voldetort. Where are you going? A dog named Barkamedes. This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. Leaf Phoenix: Arizona State University at the Downtown Penis campus Tweet Arizona State University at the Downtown Phoenix campus: HMS Penis Tweet HMS Phoenix: WC-135 Constant Penis Looking through a window, the cowboy sees an old Native American man wearing what looks like the garb of a powerful... read more, An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. ... Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along the Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix. An otter name Harry Otter. Find trip planning information on hotels, events, restaurants and things to do. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Judy ..Judy. If this were real life, I'd wish you a happy bot-day! A: The Crime Rate! Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! May 2, 2020 - Explore Amy North's board "Arizona jokes", followed by 164 people on Pinterest. ...in which I replied, "that's what they call a bad day in Arizona.". Rhymes greenish squeamish phoenix helix prefix edicts sleeveless. [OC]. A: They have two left feet. Allison is a full-time freelancer and travel blogger, exploring the world solo in pursuit of new and exciting adventures. ", The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?" A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. ", "Then I have lunch (You'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. A truck driver named Bill is driving down a deserted Arizona highway... ...and he sees a beautiful woman hitchhiking. The judge asks me who I would want to live with. The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. My friends daughter who is 5 got me today. A swan named Swan Jovi. A deer named David Hasselhoof. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin ... read more. ", Two aircraft mechanics get off work at la Guardia, and one says, "Let's go have a beer". Tempe. A stork named Tony Stork. Who were they to interfere with God's will? ", The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. The water is crysta... read more. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". Whatever brought you here, I’m happy to oblige with some of the most cringe-worthy Arizona puns and jokes, Instagram caption-ready or whatever way you choose to wield it! This view is too beautiful — you may want to Sedona, I hope you Havasu-per time at Havasu Falls, I can’t stand to see you go, so I’ll just do The Wave, There’s a lot I could say about the Grand Canyon, but it all seems too deep, I didn’t sleep well last night — you were Sonora‘n, Ever since I got back from Arizona, all I’m serving is dry humor. The Best Arizona Puns & Jokes General Arizona Puns Arizona? they reasoned. Copyright 2019 - Eternal Arrival. Suddenly she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway. ", While driving into Phoenix, Arizona from Flagstaff, my SO pointed out an area of road that was flooded yesterday due to the monsoon rainstorms. The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup." arizona state puns phoenix arizona puns sedona arizona puns university of arizona puns Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. "What do I do next?" The other says, "Why don't we try drinking jet fuel? Instead of being called the Joker, it could have been Joaquin Phoenix as the Joaqer. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S. —Pun American Newsletter Six guys are playing poker. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Or maybe you’ve already been to Arizona and you’re looking for some puns about Arizona to use as your Instagram captions for Arizona photos. What should I do?" They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents. What do you call a bird which rises from the ashes but is unable to fly? A fair warning: a good number of these will apply to southern Arizona because of our heat. As they all stood in amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you do that? Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix. The University of Phoenix bought the naming rights to the Arizona Cardinals' new stadium. "What's the opposite of joy?" A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! 29 of them, in fact! "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" Judge: “Where do you work?” Defendant: “Here and there.” Judge: “What do you do for, a living?” Defendant: “This and that.” Judge: “Take him away.” Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?” Judge: “Sooner or later.” Submitted by Pate Ferry, Mesa, Arizona. Is it Tucson to make a joke about Arizona? And, If you love Instagram we developed some kick ass Instagram presets (filters) so you can edit your photos in 1 click! Penis Puns. I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'. What does he look like?" My friend was so upset that his joke was ruined. A snake named Severus Snake. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. She's happiest when climbing things, snuggling any animal who will let her, and eating improbably large amounts of food. And says, "I hate to ruin you day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery are enough". Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him "Do you understand what I said? Read my privacy policy and disclaimer here. A guy walks into a bar and there's a horse serving drinks. But I’m like a phoenix, rising from molasses. Phoenix is so dry because it’s in an arid zone-a. Jul 27, 2019 - Explore Diana Franklin's board "Arizona Humor", followed by 179 people on Pinterest. When I called him a cunt for it she said "Are you seriously getting annoyed at that?". lets him enter. "He says you're gonna die." Nope, not going outside today. A duck named Ducktor Doom. ', 'Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven! Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-, looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. "I don't want to live with my dad because he beats me, but I don't want to live with my mom because she beats me too," I say. The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1.49." The woman thanked her and got in the car.After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. Say a Little Prayer Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around ... read more. A cat named Katy Purry. The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. This goes back in the days of the Wild West. Four old guys are walking down a street. You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes. They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. Who's Counting? ", "Yeah," the other cow says. First, let's make sure he's really dead.". Add your joke to our site and see how good it is. While we are discussing the Grand Canyon here are our favourite Grand Canyon views. Timing Is Everything A guy shows up late for work. He thought it was strange that she wasn't standing near a car, but he picks her up anyway. the prof asked a young woman from Texas. the officer asks. Old musicians never die, they just get played out. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. Required fields are marked *. Please note that affiliate links and ads are used throughout this free content. Haven't you ever seen a horse tending bar before? "I can't leave," the doctor says. No, I replied. As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, it's just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. Not Fade Away. I thought my days of misquoting popular idioms were over. We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. “You know you’re from Arizona when you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place – even in the dead of winter.” – Unknown “Almost everyone in the world knows something about Arizona, and some of it is even true.” – Jim Turner.