This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on July 21, 2008. A poll conducted by Mothering dot come also showed that 40% of moms believe co-sleeping should end between the ages of 3 and 5, while 34% believed kids between 6 and 8 should be given the red light to the parental bedroom door. When I was 13 he got a different job and started working from home, we had a whole lot more time to spend together. Even slept with him durring holidays when I had plenty of time away from uni. As for whether you should you tell your husband about your sexual abuse, only you can decide. These children are basically raising themselves. Sorry for so many spelling errors.. obviously I did not do spell check! It is essentially emotional incest. Last night was not one of those nights though when they asked me, so I was not prepared and I slept naked in my bed, but they both came to me anyways and said they had a nightmare . I sleep with my daughter too and she loves having sleepover and sleep in her with her friend … we can’t judge a situation and speaking about it like that without experiencing it !!! This dad is protecting both children/teens. He may also feel very secure in your relationship and may just assume you share the same feelings. His mother does have a tendency of being half asleep/half awake and not always cognizant of what's going on around her in this state - he would obviously be aware of what she is like under these circumstances as well. She has been a single Mom for half of her son's life and then got married when the boy was at age seven (Her ex-husband was not his biological father). I know for a fact this is depriving the mother sleep which is NOT good at all, My x brother in law still sleeps with his daughter…….. sh is 25. All Right Reserved. But I have noticed that it is getting harder and harder to get him out of my bed (he reads books in it, watches TV in it, it is a very comfortable king size bed). And obviously, a 10 year old in the bed is quite a hindrance to martial intimacy. I repeatedly asked for my own bed and was put off or told things like “it would break up the furniture set,” which struck me as trivial and a bad reason to not change things. Both my kids slept with my husband (their father) and me until both were ~8. I still always tried to sleep in bed with him, and occasionally he would me. When there is a sleep-over, how does a co-sleeping middle school child (11,12?) He may never harm or touch his child or any other child but to know that he may become aroused in the presence of young children is potentially troubling. It is to the point that I am about to leave because of the arguing. Do they ask to sleep withtge friend’s mimmy? I have three boys and a girl all that I’ve never slept with only if they were sick or if they had a bad dream but they still went in their room until they fell asleep and I was right there. Men can have erections without sexual arousal. That’s all he’s known since birth. I have a 21, 18, and and 13 year old and they all slept with me all the time, since my husband is always gone at night at work. She also sounds like she may have trouble either "letting go" of her no-longer-litttle boy or maybe it's that she has trouble putting her foot down with her son and setting limits. It doesn’t ruin the dynamic for she and I at all .-12 year old girl (P.S. They we playing in her room and got into bed under the covers when he put his … 7months pregnant!! Sadly he wasnt always able to be at home when I was little. Now the son cant sleep. Would you do that if they were girls? Even knowing as an adult that money issues are not so easily solved, they could easily have prioritized my needs and gotten two beds or at least slept together (like a married couple) and let me sleep on the couch. One of two things happens when parents do this to their children, they either never grow up or if they do grow up the kid becomes scarred for life and spend the rest of their life wishing they never had to experience this behaviour from their parents… Kids need structure, discipline and boundaries or they stay kids well into their adulthood and usually their brains never fully develop right after this. I would ask for us to move so I could have my own room; maybe it was because they did not have enough money as we lived in NYC and there was rent control on the apartment. Usually a seperate meeting will take place for each of you where you could bring up the subject and see if it is considered normal. Everything you described is inappropriate to the max. He’s even gone in there to sleep, but then ten minutes later he’s back in our bed. It’s important to get yourself and your kids out of there ASAP. My niece is in a similar situation as you were. he is an only child and so was she. This bed we sleep in has been “his” too, and I feel when he is ready to move on, he will. I felt a bit weird, but It also was amazing feeling my young boys warmth, both of them close to me,pressed to me. Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Would you let them shower with you as well. Gross!! How will he survive in a world where you must meet and communicate with new people. The question here is not for against bed sharing but when it becomes unnatural, wrong, or just plain weird. More than a father daughter relationship. My son never slept in his crib, was nursed, and now dreads sleeping by himself. The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. Thanks for writing. It seems perfectly reasonable and appropriate. In our case the mother is a child therapist & during the divorce began sleeping with the oldest from 10 yrs to almost 13. Does your partner know how you feel? This boys mother would rather appease him than deal with the fussing. He can’t sleep over at people’s houses Cuz he needs to sleep with his mom. Thanks in advance for your reply. Not exactly where you want to sleep, a stinky 11 year old boys bed! Why should a child be made to wake up to a disagreement between adults and then find himself at the center of it? If this dad is your boyfriend…..or husband you will not be dating much longer if you think or continue your thinking. It’s just that I think it’s time for him to get into his own bed. He has got her every second weekend. Poor kid. I think this behavior is worrisome. Leave. And subsequently, it turns bonding moments and co-sleeping into an issue of sexuality. Learn how the word dynamic is spelled. His kids, both the daughter and son are going to cause you a lot of trouble. Well hopefully he will concentrate on grammar and spelling instead? I know she grows up and i will never ever get the chance to hold this little human being in my arms the way i do it now. Anyway, We are in the process of buying a house and I think there he will want his own bed. How can i explain to them that it is unhealthy. If they are matters of convenience based on house size or bed availability then there might not be a lot of options. I could see if it was a one bedroom house and no other bed or bedroom existed, but at age 13 you can’t sleep on your own you will never be independent and mature. Learning To Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal, Many Seniors with Depression Faring Well During Pandemic. Children are conceived in this sacred place of marriage. I feel my personal space is violated. I don't think you are overreacting- I think that this poor boy sounds quite troubled and his mom needs some parenting counseling to help her figure out the issues that are going on. By the way, we have a great, loving family. I believe this stuff should happen way before kids even become self aware.. it’s no wonder the world is so messed up. Why are they chosing? It’s not every night and I also like sleeping alone . I even told him I felt uncomfortable, and yet he did nothing.. his son would try to sleep with us too, but he would tell him no, but never his daughter. It stunted my social development and my sense of self-worth and identity. My life isn’t confusing, your way of thinking is. That shower reference is so stupid it makes my brain hurt. I mean, he was a great dad , and that’s why I liked him in the first place, because I also have 2 children. I feel that I'm not over-reacting to this and I haven't brought it up with her yet, but feel that maybe alittle honest feedback would help me before I decide on what my next action should or shouldn't be. They put their arms around me and their head on my chest and fell asleep. Cracker Jacks? My 16 yr old daughter got mad at me for being a parent and had her mom come get her. Let's stay updated! The father is also one of those, let them make their own decisions as children? So 9/10 we cave and he hops right in the middle of mommy and daddy and he sleeps like a baby. My boyfriends 10 year old sone still sleeps with his mother every night at home and her husband sleeps in another room. When our kid's are dealing with issues that our world throws at them on a daily basis I believe it does not hurt to share a bed with your teenage son. I think you should ask for some family counseling to take place if you are planning on getting married. He is practically an only child because his siblings are grown and out of the house. He has no friends and doesn’t care to step out the door. I don’t need need to defend myself to you. A six year old girl sleeping in bed with grandparents not clothed? I also worry about her being teased by other kids if they find this out. Ill then feel safe that he’s not on a floor alone (forgot to mention thats a huge reason) and ill go back to my marital bed. My wife also thinks it’s gotten weird and too much and she doesn’t understand what’s going on in that household either. But isn’t it always?? To make matters worse, when we have a disagreement she will move her son back into our bed knowing that it gets under my skin. I somehow don’t see him sleeping with Mommy in high school. Why do none of the pro co-sleeping paents discuss developmental, psychological, emotional impacts (present & future) on the child? I think there’s a time and place for everything there’s a time for your children to go to bed in their own rooms and then there is a time where you and your significant other need your space together without the children being there and renewing that intimacy and bond. It will be times when your mom thinks you’re asleep and she started masturbating and whether you realize it or not she is rubbing against you stuff like that happens my mom started to molest me I still actually attracted to her and I’m 50 now and I’m still sexually attracted to her, My gf 9 year old son always wakes us up in the middle of the night as she goes in his room to sleep with him. It is an invasion of privacy. for example im a 15 year old girl and i hate when my mom touches me and i dont even know my dad. My husband and I have been together for 5 years now (married for 1 year). I see this situation with my sister and her almost 13 year old son. I will never agree with that kind of stuff. He says he doesn’t like to be alone and he does love to hug and snuggle, but he will sleep in his own bed if I INSIST. I am lonely. I believe it. I really need help on how I can change, but I can’t have my own room nor can I have my own bed. Of the night. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend? Also, I’m not messed up, I have straight A’s, before Coronavirus came to America, I worked as a receptionist at my orthodontists office, to help my mother pay the bills, and I’m not into any social media at all. It’s going to end our relationship. i am so sorry this happened to you.