Type 2 Diabetics. The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. ", I said, "No, I was thinking in the living room". In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. I watching a weird porn the other day. but if anything that made it worse. Correlation does not imply causality, but the more I say things like that the fewer people want to talk to me. "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?". ... EDIT 2: Credit to Gary Delaney, for this is one of his one liners. It's what he would have wanted. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one: She was livid… “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”, The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past … A big list of gary delaney jokes! \~ * … Credit to the redditors who pointed it out. This morning I went to a meeting of my premature ejaculators’ support group. My girlfriend called me at 11:00 this morning and said “I'm still in bed." I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell. Nan would always send us texts saying please come round, my arthritis is getting worse; but then they stopped… so presumably it got better. I stopped in a lay-by and there was a sign said “No Dumping”; that was alright as I was just having a piss… so it didn’t affect me. You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; but you teach a man to fish – saved yourself a fish haven’t you? I shouted 'Stop!' It's what he would have wanted. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); (1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian. One minute you're bleeding. I shouted 'Stop!' Golf Sports. Type 2 Diabetics. It was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time. Random One-Liners. Author: Gary Delaney . Credit: Gary Delaney, Thankfully he was so good that I don't give a shit, He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years! Quotes and One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, last words, proverbs & more. ... Gary Delaney (2010) “Money can’t … Credit: Gary Delaney, He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years! If Bing Crosby was great, imagine how good Google Crosby would have been. There’s two types of people who don’t like Easter. 100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners. but it turns out that it’s tomorrow. As a kid I was made to walk the plank… we couldn’t afford a dog. I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell. There’s two types of people who don’t like Easter. Then realized I hadn't turned the TV on. Gary Delaney is another comic who can take the one-liner to the darker side. Type 1 People on diets and. I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today… unfortunately, it’s only for victims. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.